At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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