I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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