dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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