So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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