She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
