ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
