ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
