just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
