so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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