Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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