shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
