Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
