I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
