hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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