i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
