I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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