my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
