Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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