Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize