At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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