You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had to cum in my sink.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize