Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
