were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
