She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
