He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
