Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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