Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
