He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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