spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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