I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize