im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
soo... how was my night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
