maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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