the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
