Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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