I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
