I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
