Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
