capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
