I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
