you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
