How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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