you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
