so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
