Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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