i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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