tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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