there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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