you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
