You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish you could order shots online.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
