He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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