so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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