got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
