you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
