just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
