were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
