woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
