fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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