Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
