when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize