So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have post one night stand depression
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
