Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
