he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
