On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
