we made out on top of his cat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
